To My Sons

A growing list of wisdom that I have learned over the years. 

1. Never lay a hand on a woman.

2. Enunciate when you speak.

3. Look a man in the eyes when shaking his hand.

4. Use a firm grip when shaking hands with another man.

5. Do all things with excellence, even when no-one is around to see it, and even if you are not being paid for it.

6. When borrowing a vehicle from a friend, always return it with more gas than it started with.

7. Learn to speak professionally and respectfully when engaging with a job or business related issue. Even if the person you are speaking to is a friend, learn to know when it is acceptable to speak to them as a friend vs a co-worker or boss.

8. If you do work for someone and it is not to their liking(within reason), you fix it at no additional charge(again, within reason).

9. When you leave a job site of any kind, always leave it looking better than when you arrived. Leave no trace, as if you were never there.

10. You are always leading someone, even if you don't see them watching.

11. Everything we do communicates something to somebody. Make sure you are communicating honorably.

12. Your kids are more aware than you think they are, and they see and hear more than you think they do.

13. Always be teachable. There will most likely always be someone who knows more than you do about something.

14. Always be humble. Otherwise you will end up alone with no healthy relationships and no job.

15. Learn the difference between cockiness and confidence. Cockiness is self-absorbed, boastful, and talks too much. Confidence stays humble and allows the results to speak FOR you.

16. Being selfless and diligent should always be a genuine character trait that you are known for by other people. Ask the Spirit to grant you this in your heart. Because these are not traits that you can fake for very long. You will eventually become exhausted from it, unless it is driven by true love granted to you from the Spirit.

17. Learn the difference between being a servant, and being a push over. One is driven by humility and selflessness like Jesus expressed, and one is driven by the need to be liked and approved by other people.

18. The only approval you NEED is God the Father's. Which has been given through the finished work of Jesus, and has been extended to all who have had their hearts won over by His love.

19. If you are receiving approval of others, be sure that it is because you have integrity, are faithful, and diligent. Not because you always say "yes".

20. Learn to say no to people, and learn to do it sooner than later. Your wife and family will benefit greatly from it.

21. "There is nothing more freeing than being fully known and still delighted in" - Matt Chandler Don’t be afraid to be real about your sin and struggles with your spouse, and trust worthy friends. Believe me, it’s the greatest thing you’ll ever experience.

22. It is far more valuable to have a few friends who fully know you and still desire your friendship, than to have a bunch of people assume you have it all together.

23. Do not let your story be more about you and what you have done, but rather, about God the Father and what He has done through you and for you.

24. Jesus is the better hero. Follow His example more than others.

25. God is the better Father. Follow His example more than others.

26. Jesus would be a better husband than you. So follow His example of love and selflessness.

27. It’s a nice habit to have to hug your wife before other people when you enter a room. It’s just a nice way to remind her that she is loved and valued most. :)

28. Never stop complimenting your wife on anything.

29. Never stop being physically affectionate to your wife. You don't be a perv every time, although sometimes it's perfectly acceptable. :)

30. Always put the needs of your family before your own.

31. Learn a reasonable balance when it comes to serving people before your family when appropriate (communicating with your wife on this one is always a wise move, she will tell you if things are out of balance.)

32. Being a present employee is good, being a present father and husband is better. Don’t put everything into your career and pleasing your boss at the expense of your family, and the importance of quality time with them.

33. Don't be afraid to speak out about what is right, but don't go looking for an argument either. Be sure that what you have to say will be edifying, otherwise you're probably wasting your time.

34. Do not quarrel with fools who only care about their own opinions. It's exhausting and draining on your time and emotions.

35. Stay on top of oil changes. You'll lock up the engine on both of your cars if you don't. Trust me...

36. Get familiar with basic tools for small home repairs, if I have not already taught you so.

37. Learn the following, if I have not already taught you so: To change a spare tire, to swap out a car battery, to change out fuses in your car, to change the breaks on your car, to change light bulbs, how to use a mower and weed-eater, and the basics of the breaker box in your home.

38. Owning a box trailer, and knowing how to move furniture is a lifelong value (sometimes a curse too).

39. Knowing how to load furniture like a Tetris master is also an impressive and helpful skill.

40. Knowing how to drive a trailer correctly is more important and rare than you'd think. (Fun Fact: your mom possesses this rare gift)

41. Always mow your grass in straight lines. Don't just push or drive around aimlessly, regardless of how big or small the yard is. Your wife will appreciate it.

42. ALWAYS weed eat. Your wife will appreciate it.

43. Always blow off or sweep off the driveway and sidewalks after mowing.

44. Don't blow grass into landscaping. You'll regret it.

45. Don't try to be a tough guy when it comes to guns or knives. Be intelligent and learn what you're doing first. Don't be an idiot!

46. Don't underestimate what a simple game of Guess Who can do for your relationship with your kids.

47. Learn how to camp, if I haven't already taught you.

48. Learn how to fish, if I haven't already taught you.

49. Never be that guy who can't be outdoors. Man up!

50. Never be too good for any kind of work. Jesus washed feet and died on a cross for you.

51. Never try to solve a fight or an argument on social media. It NEVER solves anything. Do this in person if possible, or at least on the phone, or in a manner that allows emotions to be heard and felt.

52. Do not quarrel over politics unless you have legitimate and reliable proof to back up your theory. And even then.....pick your battles. It is better to be keep your mouth shut and be considered wise, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

53. Do not quarrel with a fool. A fool is not interested in humility, in learning, or being teachable. He is only concerned about complaining or convincing someone of his own ideas and preferences. A fool does not understand the concept of a two way discussion, and a mutual give and take of opinion.

3 Points On Marriage

Most of this is my own way of explaining what I have learned while reading Date Your Wife, Discovering the Mind of A Woman, At the Alter of Sexual Idolatry, taking Porterbrook, and by throwing myself at the mercy of the cross, and surrendering to the leading of the spirit. Asking Him to help me see my wife, sin, women in general, God Himself, and myself the way that He sees these things and not the minimized versions that I have made them to be.


ONE: I have learned that about 95-98 percent of the outcome of my marriage is my responsibility, including the areas where it is struggling. We are called to live with Christlikeness. In our thoughts, words, and actions, we are to lead our wives and our children with genuine love as Jesus did for us. Putting the needs of our bride before our own. If we are genuinely living and leading out of Holiness, relying on the Spirit for guidance then EVENTUALLY our wives will follow our lead.

When we live selflessly and sacrificially for our wives, with no strings attached, and no hidden agenda, but only out of pure love for Love's sake because we are submitted to the
Spirit and not to ourselves, then our wives will sprint to follow us. Just as we trust Christ enough to follow Him because we have seen and received His love for us and seen that He is trustworthy, so will our wives do the same with us.

Jesus would make an excellent husband because He is selfless. His wife would never struggle to trust Him or submit to Him, because she would never have to question whether or not He would put her needs before His own.  May that be true of our marriages.

P.S. We must be patient with our wives in this though, and not have any preconceived idea of how or when they should respond to our selflessness. Chances are they have heard it all before, and we have let them down far too many times because we were not acting out of genuine love in submission to the Spirit, but rather to our own agendas. So instead of putting pressure on them to respond a certain way, let's be like Jesus and meet our wives right where they are and just love for Love's sake. Selflessly....


TWO: I have learned that our wives are the best people on the earth to teach us how to be a loving husband. We just need to pay attention and listen. Listen intently when we are with them, listen carefully, and they will tell us what they need from us. But we need to stop waiting for them to come out and tell it to us directly. We should love them enough to engage in the conversation, engage in the lives of our wives, to "listen between the lines". Listen for their needs and desires and then make it your goal to meet those needs and desires without having to be asked. In fact, try doing the asking yourself.

DAILY ask these 4 questions:

1. Can I do anything for you today?

2. Is there anything I can do to make your day easier?

3. Is there anything I can do to relieve stress in your life?

4. Is there anything I can do or stop doing that would make you feel more valuable?

We think we know the answers to these questions and 9 times out of 10 we are dead wrong. Know your spouse, and be intentional about knowing your spouse.


THREE: Most of our wives have heard, been taught, or are being taught that God is a good, loving Father that cherishes them as beloved daughters. They are also being taught that marriage is supposed to be the closest example or model of the relationship between Christ and His bride(the church) and that the husbands are supposed to model after Jesus in our love for our bride(our wives) and to lead our home as Christ does His church.

So why in the world does it shock us and leave us scratching our heads when our wives are struggling to see themselves as God sees them when we are not loving them well?

Why would we be shocked that their trust and view of Jesus is struggling when we as husbands, who are supposed to be LIKE Jesus by protecting and shepherding their hearts. But instead, are constantly cutting their hearts out and stabbing them in the back by looking at porn, creeping on people's summer vacation pictures on Facebook, seeking comfort in inappropriate texting and flirting relationships with other women (whether face to face or digitally) outside of our marriage, serving ourselves before our wives, and meeting our own needs before theirs. This is a terrible model of Jesus.
 

And btw….We need to stop trying to *earn* an opportunity to touch our wives in a sexual way and just start serving and loving them just because we want to…They know when we are working toward a reward...Stop being a selfish idiot. Just love and serve...She will respond appropriately almost every time, and a lot of the times that may include sex, but sex should not be our goal and it should not be what drives us to vacuum the living room. Our love for Jesus should drive us to serve our wives because He came and served us, without any strings attached...

For husbands, marriage(similar to our relationship with Jesus) is a call to come and die. To die to self..Just as Christ died for us so that we can live, we must die to ourselves so our wives can thrive, and experience what should be the closest thing to physically walking with Jesus she could  ever experience until the day that He comes back to take us home.

#listenbetweenthelines #notouching #intimacy #selfless #knowyourspouse

Does Worshipping via Technology Set a Questionable Example at Home?

This post was originally written on February 24th, 2013...

The other day I was sitting down studying scripture on my iPhone  when my 5 year old walked up to me and asked, “Dad what game are you playing”?

I answered him and said, “I’m not playing a game bud, I am reading the Bible”. He responded and said “that’s not a Bible dad, that’s a phone”.

So it was at that moment that I realized that even though I am studying the Bible, I just might want to re-think how I worship on a daily basis during my *not always so quiet* quiet time at home.  🙂

Technology is a GREAT tool that grants us access to many ways to learn and grow in our walk with Jesus. However…It has become a new challenge for me to start using my real, physical, Bible when I am studying at home. I don’t want my kids to grow up saying “dad was always on his phone all the time”, unaware that I was actually reading the scriptures. Even though a lot of those times I was indeed, studying and learning how to teach my kids about the Gospel, I would much rather them grow up remembering how I was “always reading the Bible” instead.

Just a little moment that I wanted to share with you, cause it has made a difference in how I spend my *not always so quiet* quiet time.

Is worshipping via technology setting a questionable example in your home?

A Pride Crushing Experience

This post was originally written on October 3rd, 2012

I want to share a story with you about something that happened to me earlier this year……….

Here we go……

“As worship leaders, one of our problems is that we’re often more impressed with what we do than with what God has done”. – Bob Kauflin

This is a quote I posted on Facebook on March 17, 2012 that I took from a book that I am reading called “Worship Matters”, written by Bob Kauflin. If you are a worship leader that wants to understand what being a worship leader is REALLY about, then I highly insist that you purchase it. It will change your life.

On March 18th, 2012 My church launched our second campus in Arnold, MO which is about 50 miles north of our main campus in Leadington, MO. For me, this was one of the most exciting days in our church. I had recently moved into the position as assistant worship leader a few months prior to the launch, so I had been learning and training for this day, how to administrate a Sunday morning service on the worship side of things while our lead worship pastor was running the service at our new campus in Arnold. BIG DAY for our church, and a big day for me personally…”this is it”…time to prove myself and be the leader I was expected to be, the leader that a lot of people depended on and looked to for direction etc….

Due to the new campus launch, almost every single one of our musicians were being utilized between the two campuses, and because we are currently short-handed in the guitar player world we are trying to be creative and use pre recorded guitar tracks to run alongside of our click track so that we are not missing that electric guitar element and we can maintain that dynamic in our worship band.

Back up a few days to the Thursday before the big launch and we are at band practice. Two different bands, for the two different campuses. Everyone is really excited, were goofing around having a great time, and not taking things too serious, and just enjoying playing music together (WITH pre recorded guitar tracks) and preparing for the exciting day to come.

Now fast forward ahead to “The Big Day”…….Sunday, March 18th, 2012

I walk in to our Leadington campus at 7am to get things turned on, make sure wireless mics and packs have fresh batteries, get breakfast for our worship and tech crew ready.The I turn on some rockin music in the “Green Room” to create an exciting atmosphere as our volunteers arrive to serve on our worship team, and tech crew. 8am is our service run through time…we run through the songs, and make sure all the lines are working, we make sure videos and lights are going to operate properly…and as we hoped, all runs smoothly. We are prepared to take on the two services ahead of us, one at 9am, and one at 10:45am. Let me just clarify that at this point, I was completely humbled that I was entrusted with the responsibility to be in this position. To lead people, to be responsible for things that mattered, and to be given the opportunity to show what I had learned over the previous months. It was a true honor!

So 8:55am comes around, the 5 minute countdown is going, and we gather on stage to pray before we begin to lead people into the presence of God, and teach the Gospel.

9am!! It’s go time!! Things are more serious now than in practice since this is the real thing, and there are a few hundred people watching now rather than just a sound guy mixing levels. We start the service, Jesus is lifted high through song, and the Word is delivered in a powerful way.

After the first service, we always meet in the “Green Room” to go over the first service, we make sure things ran smooth, we check to see if there are any changes to be made, or if anybody needs anything on the technical side of things. In my mind I was thinking…”It was different, but everything went smooth. The band played well, and there were no problems.” There is definitely a dynamic missing not having a live guitar player, and it was a little distracting personally due to not being able to hear the tracked guitar as well as I would like because of it being on a loop with other tracked sounds that add ambience to the sound of our band. But in spite of that, things went well, and there were no problems.

Service number 2!! 10:45am!! Still pretty excited!! The Arnold campus had been in service now for about 45 minutes and we had talked to a couple guys that were up there and it was going well. Somewhere around 70 adults showed up. This was really encouraging and exciting to us for a first service. So service number two begins and this is where things start to get jacked on the inside for me…..

Already recognizing the lack of dynamic in the first service due to not having a live guitar player….I begin to dwell on that and put my focus in the wrong place…I begin to critique the band harshly in my mind, noticing every mistake, missed note, chord, punch, and wash….I notice myself singing worse than I already do on a regular basis, thinking “great, I’m singing terrible, and the band is struggling a bit and now I am not going to look like a good leader to the guys in leadership over me”…I begin feeling bored, frustrated, uncomfortable, and even angry. I didn’t want to play anymore, I just wanted the service to be over with, and I wanted to go home and spend time with my family…….

After the service was over, I talked to a few people from the congregation, said thank you to multiple compliments pretending to be excited and pleased with the service. I shut all the technology down, packed up my family, and headed home. Feeling totally defeated, and VERY un-excited and unsatisfied with the morning….I called one of my closest friends to vent, and complain….actually to be a big baby really. I began to tell him about the service and told him that “I don’t want to do this every week…I hate playing with guitar tracks, it’s not very fun, and I am not excited about spending the next several weeks doing it.” His response was, “yeah I understand what you mean, but it’s gonna be alright man.” Slightly disappointed in his lack of catering to my whining I got off the phone and went on about my day trying to just forget about the morning and focus on my family.

A few hours later as the day went on, that same friend that I had complained to had apparently not seen my previous post on Facebook from the day before where I had posted the quote from Bob Kauflin until the present Sunday afternoon. Having forgotten about that quote completely, and not even remembering that I posted it, I received a notification on my Facebook from the “complainee” that said this….

But first, a reminder of my quote: “As worship leaders, one of our problems is that we are often more impressed with what we do than with what God has done.” – Bob Kauflin

My friend’s comment to my post: “That should explain why you were so upset today.”

Now…this doesn’t seem like such a big revelation to someone just reading it. But if someone could have felt what I was feeling up until the moment before I read this comment they would have known what it felt like the moment right after I read it. It was one of the most spiritual, and emotionally painful, yet freeing moments I have had in my 24 years of life. Having idols RIPPED out of your heart in a way that is not possible to describe in words hurt, but after the ripping was over, I felt more free from myself than I had felt maybe in my whole life. I just didn’t care anymore almost instantly…I had lost the desire for man’s approval (including my own) and I didn’t care about being comfortable and/or having everything my way anymore. I spent the previous 3 years or so caring so much about the approval of the people, especially those in leadership over me, that I spent most days stressed out over whether or not I would have something profound to say in staff meetings, or cell family meetings, so that I could impress them by showing that I had been reading my Bible a lot, and that I had been learning from the sermons, and books I was reading, so they would know I was “growing” in Jesus, and in my leadership role. I would talk when it wasn’t necessary just to be sure to have something to say. I would be the first person to criticize myself while watching the videos back from each service so that my lead worship pastor and head of our tech department would know that I knew I sang bad on that note, or that I said the wrong lyrics…I was so worried that if they thought that I thought I was doing good when I actually wasn’t then they might not allow me to be in a leadership position, or that they would not give me as much responsibility in ministry, and that I would miss out on an opportunity to grow, or move up in a position of responsibility, or authority in our church. So I made sure they knew that I recognized it and would be trying harder to be better. Let me just add that this is all about having idols smashed in my own life, NOBODY was doing or saying anything to me that made me feel overly self conscious about myself. It was all self centered me.

I cared so much about what people thought of me as a worship leader or person of influence that I stopped getting as excited on stage, and stopped jumping around like I used to do( because I was truly that passionate about worshipping Jesus) because I heard that kids were doing “the Josh” in our children’s ministry, and that kids were wanting to dress like me and stuff like that…these things were encouraging, and a bit humorous to me, and to be honest, I was actually quite humbled by it. But then I became self conscious about it to the point that I stopped doing them because I was afraid that people would think I was only doing it because people liked it, or enjoyed seeing me do it.

I was so enslaved to the approval of man and what they thought about me, and what I did, that I was almost becoming a zombie on auto pilot, putting my passion for worship and Jesus aside in order to maintain a humble attitude…almost to the point of being too humble that I was probably just annoying to people. In fact…I might have actually been creating a whole new idol, because I was putting all my focus on myself and how others saw me.

On March 19th, my best friend posted this on Twitter(not even knowing yet about what I had been dealing with). “The truth is that God called you and chose you to be like Him in His image. You don’t need people to approve of you. Jesus already has. #truth”

Taking the previous two days before, and then adding this tweet to them….my life has been completely changed in a way that I will never be able to accurately explain, and I know that this was a genuine heart change by the Holy Spirit that was so evident I will never be able to go back to that way of thinking and that way of life. I will ALWAYS strive for excellence in ministry, I will ALWAYS work harder to be a better singer, a better musician, and a better leader. But NONE of that matters AT ALL if our focus is on those things alone, and not on Jesus Christ and USING those things to expand the Glory of our God, tell people about what He has done, and to attract and point people to His Gospel.

I know there will still be temptations of pride, and ego boosting, and I know there will still be some days where I will give in and bash myself, or feel defeated. But it will not be a way of life, and I will not be ENSLAVED to the approval of man….I am done with that. I value opinions, input, correction, and advice. I will always submit to authority, and grow from their wisdom, and their experiences….but I will no longer allow those things to define who I am because Christ has already defined me, and He will be the only thing I compare myself to, and what His Word already says about me. Jesus approves of me, and that’s all that matters.

Be the person that God has created you to be. Be passionate about Jesus. Be zealous and real in your calling.

Be true to yourself in the way that God has wired you to be. Remember why you’re doing what you do. He gave you a passion, and a purpose for a reason. Who are we to quench that because of the approval of man?

A Story of Suffering and Joy

This post was originally written on February 21st, 2017.

8 years ago today, my wife, Kayla went into labor 8 1/2 months into her pregnancy due to a “weird feeling”. We were nervous, but excited about the arrival of our son, Levi Joseph Massey. There was a complication with his life support internally while he was still in the womb and by the end of the evening we had lost our son and we would not have the opportunity to raise him, to teach him about life, or to watch him wrestle with his big brother, Ryan.

The human body of a female carries between 9 and 10 pints of blood, and due to a placental abruption, my wife, Kayla lost between 7 and 8 of those pints. After about 14 hours of pumping plasma and blood back into Kayla’s body, the doctors told us that if she had arrived 15 minutes later to the hospital that there was no way she could have lived.

In the last 8 years, we have had the honor of raising our oldest son, Ryan, and raising our youngest son, Ryder. My wife is healthy and alive, and our marriage is stronger than it has ever been.

Why would I share this story with social media? To get attention? No. To get remorseful comments from others? No.

I share this story because I want to encourage others who may be suffering in the same way.

My wife and our family went through hell when we lost our son. It brought heart ache, it brought challenges to each one of us that nearly crushed our marriage.

But…..Today…..I am thankful for the suffering. Because the suffering has played a part in shaping Kayla and I into the man and woman that we are today. It has taught us what long suffering with your spouse should look like. It taught us what community with others looks like and how to love and serve others before yourself when their life is falling apart. In spite of my personal preferences(that my son would have lived and still be alive today), I trust God the Father, as in…God, the One who Created the universe in 6 days, and the One who loved so much that He sent His Son Jesus (the Messiah) to provide life to those who are dead, life for those who are hurting and feeling alone and hopeless. Life for the broken, for the drug addict, the prostitute, the sexual deviant, the liar, the hypocrites, and republicans, the democrats, selfish money lovers, the thieves, the drunks, the atheists, the agnostics, the people questioning their sexuality, the “Christians” who think they are better than everyone else, the sonless mom’s, the absent dads, the abusers, and the ones who are ready to just give up and end it all. There is life available for all of us. This life has given me hope and a promise. Part of that promise, though not the main focus, is that I will get to see my son again some day because I have received and felt the love of the Father, and the life that has been extended to me through the the perfect and complete work of Jesus and His sacrifice on a bloody cross when He died in my place to pay the price for my sin, my darkness, and my rebellious depravity. For my thinking that I can get this thing called “life” done by myself through my own efforts.

I am grateful for the suffering, because I know that God is sovereign, and that God is faithful, and that nothing happens without Him allowing it to, and I know that as much as it has hurt, He is wiser, and smarter than I am and knows what is best. I know that this part of our lives has been used and will continue to be used to love and serve others when they are in the midst of their suffering.

I know that I am better equipped to relate to and to talk to others who have suffered loss and pain because I have suffered loss and pain. I can talk about the hope, love, and peace of the Father that only comes through Jesus because I know first hand what it feels like. I can say, that there is joy in suffering because I have felt joy in suffering.

I can say this with confidence because I have searched for comfort and peace through so many other things in my life, whether through people, pornography, friendships, family members, music and art, etc…EVERY ONE of those things failed me and was never enough to heal or bring a lasting peace or comfort. It was only when I finally said “ok, God, I’m done, you take over” did I find a lasting peace. 8 years later, I still feel hurt and feel sadness that my son is not present with me today. But I also feel strength and can remain stable and at peace because I trust God the Father and because He has proven to me time and time again through many seasons of suffering that He is close and not far. That He is wise and that He works all things together for the sake of revealing His glory to all people, and I want my life to be a reflection of His goodness to others, and I want my life to be lived out in a way that makes Him famous and that makes Him look amazing. So He gets all the credit for the health of Kayla and I’s life.

I believe that every day is a part of God’s story and plan to reveal His power and glory to the World, and I know that He has chosen me to be a part of His story, and I am honored to fill my role in it. I trust Him because He is trustworthy, and though I do not understand all of His ways and reasons right now, I know that I will someday, and then it will all make sense. But for now…I just trust Him….It has certainly been better than trying to control everything myself…Because trying to do my own thing never works out well for me. 🙂

If you are suffering and need hope, I know a guy…His name is Jesus.

It’s not a building, it’s not a group of people, and it’s not a weekly church service. It’s just…..Jesus. Sure, those other things have their place and parts to play, but they are not the answer. They should be pointing TO the answer :)

I have never used my story to pressure or manipulate people to “change their ways”, or “change their beliefs”. I have and always will simply tell my story (when necessary), including the part about who the Hero of the story is, and then I’ll let you work out the changes in your own timing. I will always use my story as an opportunity to love others well, to meet them where they are at without an agenda or any expectations, and just simply encourage them that if they are running out of options in life, I would love to sit down with you and just listen to your story, and then if you’d like, I can point you to a great option that offers a solution. Just ask me about it sometime….. 

The 5 Things

Even when we know all the right answers, we are still susceptible to the addiction of pornography and lust. Because “there is a difference between knowing the Gospel vs. experiencing the Gospel.”

Knowing the Gospel does not guarantee a heart change. A heart change only comes when the Spirit begins to make the Gospel real to us, and begins the work inside of us Himself. It’s only when we surrender to Him and make ourselves vulnerable to that change, that we will begin to break free from the stronghold of lust and addiction.

This is because the simple knowledge of the Gospel alone requires something more than just head knowledge for it to begin to bring change. It requires a receptive heart, and due to the fall of man, our hearts in their natural state are hardened towards the truth of the Gospel. Therefore, it takes the softening of the heart by the power of the Holy Spirit so that we can be affected by the Gospel and begin to experience it’s truth and power in our hearts and minds.

This experience brings change. A change in the way we see, and a change in the things we seek after. Seeing and seeking differently comes from a desire to honor God, honor our spouse, and to protect our families from the dangers of sin and addiction.

This desire itself is a gift granted to us by the Holy Spirit called repentance. Repentance = Seeing our sin for what it really is and turning from it, and putting it to death. It is the mortification of self indulgence.

After being addicted to lust and pornography for over 13 years, this stronghold finally broke when the Spirit placed a desire inside of me to have my heart and mind re-wired. I wanted to see and understand God’s design for sex and intimacy. After confession to my wife and some trusted friends and beginning a life of daily prayer, this change began to take place in me. I prayed for 5 Things every single day. I prayed that He would help me to see these 5 things differently, the way that He sees them.

Here are those 5 things:

#1 – God

God help me to see You for who You really are. The Creator of the universe who designed all things to be good, right, and perfect.

He is the the One who provides all that I need. He is sufficient, He is enough, He is satisfying, He is my comfort, He loves me, He wants me, He pays attention to me, and pursues me.

He is all powerful and in control. He is sovereign, knowing all things and in charge of all things.

#2 – Myself

God help me to see myself the way You see me. Helpless without You. Hopeless without You. Without You I am not nothing and I can do nothing. I am fully dependent upon you for survival, for You are not an accessory, but a sustenance that I must have. Because in my flesh I am selfish and weak. Lonely and oppressed. Powerless…

However, because of Your grace and mercy and the finished work of Jesus I am loved. I am valued, I am provided for. I am comforted and befriended. I am pursued and tended to. I am satisfied in You alone. I am safe and secure in the new identity that You have given me and I need not search for value in anything outside of You because I am satisfied in You and by You through the goodness You have shown me.

I am a son of the most High God, and You have called me Your own, and You care for me.

#3 – My Wife

God help me to see my wife the way that you see her. A created being made in Your image. A woman that You made to reflect Your glory, that you deemed good. Remind me that she is a good gift that You have blessed me with to honor, to cherish, and to respect. You have shaped and molded her to be fitting and sufficient for the role of my wife, best friend, and partner.

Help me to feel the weight of leading her well, to be an example of Jesus to her. To keep her safe and protected like a fragile vase. Help me to remember that she is your daughter that You have trusted me with.

Remind me that her heart is more important than her body, and that she is to be loved on before being lusted over.

#4 – Women

God help me to see women the way that You see them. As cherished creations that You called good, and are to be protected and valued. Remind me that women are made in Your image to expand Your glory. Help me to see women as precious gifts that you have called to be wives for other men. To be mothers and sister, friends and daughters. Daughters of You, our Heavenly Father to be honored and respected, not used and abused for our own self indulgence.

Help me to see women as human beings with a heart and soul rather than an object for physical gratification. You formed women to be attractive and beautiful, to fit the needs and desires of the husbands that You have called them to, as part of Your true design for sex, intimacy, and marriage. Not the cheap skewed design that man has made it to be.

#5 – Sin

God help me to see sin as You see it. It is a curse. I cancer that eats away at the joy that You have provided for me, and taints the life You have granted to me when I allow it to consume me and to run freely in my thoughts and actions. Remind me that sin separates me from You by driving a wedge in our relationship. Help me to remember that sin is a lie that promises maximum results with minimal delivery which always leaves me feeling alone and abandoned.

Remind me that sin is a killer. A murderer of marriage, a preventer of all the things that You have called good. Remind me that sin is a toxin that dissolves friendships and intimacy.

Help me to remember that sin is a lie that says that You are not enough, and that the created is greater than the Creator.