Most of this is my own way of explaining what I have learned while reading Date Your Wife, Discovering the Mind of A Woman, At the Alter of Sexual Idolatry, taking Porterbrook, and by throwing myself at the mercy of the cross, and surrendering to the leading of the spirit. Asking Him to help me see my wife, sin, women in general, God Himself, and myself the way that He sees these things and not the minimized versions that I have made them to be.
ONE: I have learned that about 95-98 percent of the outcome of my marriage is my responsibility, including the areas where it is struggling. We are called to live with Christlikeness. In our thoughts, words, and actions, we are to lead our wives and our children with genuine love as Jesus did for us. Putting the needs of our bride before our own. If we are genuinely living and leading out of Holiness, relying on the Spirit for guidance then EVENTUALLY our wives will follow our lead.
When we live selflessly and sacrificially for our wives, with no strings attached, and no hidden agenda, but only out of pure love for Love's sake because we are submitted to the
Spirit and not to ourselves, then our wives will sprint to follow us. Just as we trust Christ enough to follow Him because we have seen and received His love for us and seen that He is trustworthy, so will our wives do the same with us.
Jesus would make an excellent husband because He is selfless. His wife would never struggle to trust Him or submit to Him, because she would never have to question whether or not He would put her needs before His own. May that be true of our marriages.
P.S. We must be patient with our wives in this though, and not have any preconceived idea of how or when they should respond to our selflessness. Chances are they have heard it all before, and we have let them down far too many times because we were not acting out of genuine love in submission to the Spirit, but rather to our own agendas. So instead of putting pressure on them to respond a certain way, let's be like Jesus and meet our wives right where they are and just love for Love's sake. Selflessly....
TWO: I have learned that our wives are the best people on the earth to teach us how to be a loving husband. We just need to pay attention and listen. Listen intently when we are with them, listen carefully, and they will tell us what they need from us. But we need to stop waiting for them to come out and tell it to us directly. We should love them enough to engage in the conversation, engage in the lives of our wives, to "listen between the lines". Listen for their needs and desires and then make it your goal to meet those needs and desires without having to be asked. In fact, try doing the asking yourself.
DAILY ask these 4 questions:
1. Can I do anything for you today?
2. Is there anything I can do to make your day easier?
3. Is there anything I can do to relieve stress in your life?
4. Is there anything I can do or stop doing that would make you feel more valuable?
We think we know the answers to these questions and 9 times out of 10 we are dead wrong. Know your spouse, and be intentional about knowing your spouse.
THREE: Most of our wives have heard, been taught, or are being taught that God is a good, loving Father that cherishes them as beloved daughters. They are also being taught that marriage is supposed to be the closest example or model of the relationship between Christ and His bride(the church) and that the husbands are supposed to model after Jesus in our love for our bride(our wives) and to lead our home as Christ does His church.
So why in the world does it shock us and leave us scratching our heads when our wives are struggling to see themselves as God sees them when we are not loving them well?
Why would we be shocked that their trust and view of Jesus is struggling when we as husbands, who are supposed to be LIKE Jesus by protecting and shepherding their hearts. But instead, are constantly cutting their hearts out and stabbing them in the back by looking at porn, creeping on people's summer vacation pictures on Facebook, seeking comfort in inappropriate texting and flirting relationships with other women (whether face to face or digitally) outside of our marriage, serving ourselves before our wives, and meeting our own needs before theirs. This is a terrible model of Jesus.
And btw….We need to stop trying to *earn* an opportunity to touch our wives in a sexual way and just start serving and loving them just because we want to…They know when we are working toward a reward...Stop being a selfish idiot. Just love and serve...She will respond appropriately almost every time, and a lot of the times that may include sex, but sex should not be our goal and it should not be what drives us to vacuum the living room. Our love for Jesus should drive us to serve our wives because He came and served us, without any strings attached...
For husbands, marriage(similar to our relationship with Jesus) is a call to come and die. To die to self..Just as Christ died for us so that we can live, we must die to ourselves so our wives can thrive, and experience what should be the closest thing to physically walking with Jesus she could ever experience until the day that He comes back to take us home.
#listenbetweenthelines #notouching #intimacy #selfless #knowyourspouse